I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
