Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
