I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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