I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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