Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
