i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
