Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
love makes seman taste better
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
