WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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