He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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