ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
