It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
