yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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