People in love make me want to vomit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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