i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
