vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
did i just pee glitter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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