I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
