i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
