I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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