dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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