Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
