My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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