A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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