i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
