Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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