you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
