Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
