I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
