Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
two words...techno handjob
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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