I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
