I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
