So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
