I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
