His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
