you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
