mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
