Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
