Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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