I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
