I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
