I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
