I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
