Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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