I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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