you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
