does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
