I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
