i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
