i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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