sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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