im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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