what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
