I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
