I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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